Now, we’re obviously not going to take literally anything that a magazine that thinks ‘Elvis Found on Moon’ is a headline (no, not Grazia, the National Enquirer), but the Enk (as it’s known among both people who love it) does have quite a good record on these things.
And the evidence they are citing to back their contention that Jeremy Renner off-of Hurt Locker is a gay, milord, is an interview his acting coach gave a few years ago. ‘I have never had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy’s boyfriend,’ he said, and so far it’s true because we have never laid eyes on the man. ‘But the fact that Jeremy is gay has never been a primary concern.’
Well, it’s a primary concern to us! And, Jez. Jerry. Jeh. Why don’t you become the first Hollywood action hero-type actor to come out? Hmmm? It can be your legacy. Fuck the mid-West. Fuck the fact that you won’t get the Tom Cruise roles (add your own snicker here). Fuck the fact that you won’t get to appear on one of those posters with a white background and Sandra Bullock leaning against you with a startled look while a puppy on a lead ties your legs together. Fuck the lot of it.
Be a man. Be a gay. Be the first major Hollywood gay. The one that turned the tide.
Because let’s face it, The Hurt Locker is just this year’s Dancing with Wolves.
And if you would like to examine Jerry’s naked bottom for exterior signs of gayness, jump the jump for a shot of him in a film called Twelve and Holding…