Well, you know Corrie, right? That’s Coronation Street, the world’s longest running and still best-loved soap opera set in a scuzzy backstreet somewhere near Manchester? And you know David, borderline psycho son of Gail? And you know Tina, his ex-girlfriend in big ‘oop earrings? And you know she may or may not have shagged David’s brother Nick, the cute one? And you know how in real life these people would end up on The Jeremy Kyle Show slagging each other off and taking lie detector tests? Well, guess what?
They’re all going on The Jeremy Kyle Show to slag each other off and take lie detector tests.
Tina and David and Nick will go head to head on tomorrow’s show (the 1000th), will hurl accusations at each other and will have input from the studio audience of students and people whose diet is Pot Noodle and Embassy Regals.
We. Cannot. Wait. We’re trying to split an atom as we speak to see if we can make time speed up. Well, we say split an atom, we mean eat a crunch biscuit.