Jennifer Aniston is a) Deeply in love, most likely as an act of revenge against Angelina Jolie or b) A cunning slut trying to manipulate us into thinking she’s having an affair to sell her movie. The Daily Cunt can’t quite decide.

Slut/Angel of Vengeance

Lord and lady knows we have little enough sympathy for the multi-million dollar movie stars who get paid more than we will ever see in a whole lifetime for dollying about on a set for a few weeks then flying the world to talk to Carla Romana (that’s the tough bit!). But even we have to say that Jennifer Aniston must be biting through her restraints every time she reads the Daily Mail’s interpretations of her every move.

First, when she was turning up on red carpets with co-star and former boyfriend (ours not hers) Gerard Butler it was all, ‘Oh, they’re so in love after all!’ Calm down and take another HRT tab, lady. We’ll explain this slowly and patiently: they are friends and have worked together. It’s OK to link arms with friends. It’s OK to give friends a peck on the cheek. Especially when there are cameras 18 inches away recording your every move.

Then, now the DC has accepted that maybe there’s nothing going on, they have decided she is trying to manipulate us to go and see ‘what must be’ a very bad movie (ask your film critic, dear. He’ll have seen it by now) with what they have dubbed a ‘showmance’ (you’ll notice only Aniston is to blame for this as women are evil and men are to be pitied).

Calm down and take another HRT tab, lady. We’ll explain this slowly and patiently: they are friends and have worked together. It’s OK to link arms with friends. It’s OK to give friends a peck on the cheek, even if you do have a movie coming out.

*turns to give friend and co-worker a peck on the cheek in front of cameras, just to prove point. Decides friend and co-worker is hot. Bums friend and co-worker. Gets part in next Gerard Butler movie after GB sees the photos of the bumming*

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