Look at this idyllic bed and breakfast. You get your own room, maybe with en suite (we’re imagining the bathroom suite might be avocado and the towels smell a little of wet dog), a breakfast and a warm, sunshiny welcome from the owner, one Susanne Wilkinson. Who is a very good friend of Jesus. In fact, he once wanted her for a sunbeam, but that’s a whole other story.
So, can you blame her for losing the few marbles she still has when a couple of old gays, with earrings and everything, turned up having booked a double room with a double bed? She warned them it was a double room with a double bed, which they were already kind of aware of, having booked that room. And when they said that was OK the words ‘Help me’ broke out in welts across her stomach, her head spun all the way round and a big black pointy tongue came out of her mouth.
The gays were told that it was against her firmly held Christian views to give them a room at the inn. After all, it’s not like she’s running a hotel or something where any Tom, Dick and Harry can turn up. This was, she pointed out, her private home where she just happened to take money from paying customers.
And it says in the Bible that man shall not lie with man in case bumming should take place. In black and white! It also says that adulterers should be stoned, so she’s having an area paved around the back of the B’n’B so that, should she find any of her mixed-gender couples to be sleeping together outside the sanctity of wedlock, they can be dealt with on the premises.
Unsurprisingly, the whingeing gays are thinking of having her prosecuted under the terms of the Equality Bill of 2007. The readers of the Daily Cunt are up in arms. One even drew the parallel that if someone was scared of spiders, would they have to give them hotel rooms? It’s a point. A lunatic point brought up by someone who needs to up their dosage, but a point nevertheless.