Now, when it comes to moral guidance, we have always got an ear out for anything the Pope may do or say (when he’s not out shopping for bonnets, that is). Gay is bad, adultery OK for instance. Ask any Christian. They don’t mind unmarried couples staying at their hotels, but don’t let them gays, even though there’s a Ten Commandment about adultery and Jesus couldn’t give a rat’s back bottom about the gays.
So even we were surprised to hear that Pope Benny had refused to defrock a priest (they love defrocking choirboys, quick as you like over in that Vatican: you turn round and – woosh – it’s off) even though he had molested 200 deaf boys. 200! Now that’s plain greedy.
Luckily those boys were deaf so no one could understand a damn word they were saying. Therefore, despite the pleadings of a group of American priests, a Vatican committee including Pope Eggs Benedict himself decided there was no harm done, the priest could keep his job and – something really important now – could we all stop throwing jizz-encrusted tissues on the floor and put them in the bins provided.