If you’re thinking of voting Labour you have to boycott Michael Caine films and stop buying your wardrobe in M&S

Traitor!

It’s a tough one, we know. What with Michael Caine turning out so many fabulous films. Alfie was really good, wasn’t it? OK, so it was forty-odd years ago, but we’re sure he’s still putting in some great performances, even if they are all essentially the same.

And M&S. Do you think you can forego their edgy but wearable Blue Harbour range? Go without jumpers that are baggy round the waist to fit the guts of their Daily Cunt-reading customers? Can we?

The reason is Sir Michael – like working class entertainers who have made their fortune through sheer luck since time immemorial – is voting Tory this time round. You see, like Tory Cilla, they simply cannot believe the rest of the working classes can be trying very hard. They have made millions, why aren’t you? ‘Cause you’re too busy filling out betting slips and watching Jeremy Kyle, that’s why.

As for Sir Stuart Rose of M&S, the highest paid chairman of a company in the history of this country (quite literally, no exaggeration), well, you can imagine that he has the interests of the working classes at heart when he signs a letter saying that he agrees with David Cameron that Labour have got new tax ideas wrong. Why should he have to pay millions in extra tax when there are millions of working people who could all pay a little bit instead? Makes no sense. To him at least.

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