This is Channing Tatum. And we have decided never to find out who that is, even though you often hear the name bandied about. Probably someone off-of telly but don’t tell us *puts fingers in ears and makes sort of Red Indian – or Native American – noise with tongue*
We enjoy and applaud the lumpage in the front of the… what is this we are wearing here? Crinoline culottes? But apart from that, the whole outfit is driving us crazy.
Let’s start with the outsize beanie, which says ‘I have great hair, but I am on downtime and I am trying to play down my god-given beauty so no one stops me and wants me and ruins their life thinking about me’. It is the male equivalent of the Cheryl Cole-esque full face of make-up and baseball cap. You look like a cunt, mate. Get rid.
Then the long-sleeve under a short-sleeve because this is 1998 and again, we’re in ‘we don’t care’ mode. Yes, a short-sleeved T-shirt would fit under a long-sleeved one but that would ruin the ‘don’t care’ effect. A lot of time and effort goes into ‘don’t care’, you know.
Finally, the sweatpants. A). a pocket on the side? B). when an item of sports clothing starts to curtail normal human movement (we saw a guy running for a bus yesterday and it was like he was wearing a farthingale, it was so much trouble) something’s gone horribly wrong. And C). Honey, no.
Finally, can we just look at that face? Now, is that really the face of a heart-throb off-of telly? Or pictures? Or whatever medium it is he’s famous in?