‘There are clearly dark forces within the British government,’ says The Vatican. Well, to be fair, they should know all about dark forces…

Cough

The Pope, captured here enjoying a cheeky smoke, might not come to Britain after all if people don’t stop being so rude about him. After all, widespread child abuse and cover ups are one thing but there’s no excuse for rudeness, right?

What it is is… a leaked memo from the Foreign Office suggesting possible activities for when His Holy Fondleness comes to Blighty include such obvious goers as a duet with The Queen (who has long been known for her willingness to release singles), a Pope Benedict brand of condoms and cutting the ribbon on an abortion clinic.

And while all right thinking people who don’t believe in fairies can tell that this was obviously some sort of game or joke about the papal visit never meant for public consumption, Christians do love to cast themselves in the role of victim (honey, you don’t make an instrument of torture – the cross – your official symbol if you don’t want to rub it in) and are in a froth and a frenzy of indignation that anyone should treat The Big Guy with such irreverence.

‘The Pope went to Turkey, a Muslim country, and had no problem at all,’ said that aide person (it’s like the religious version of ‘a source’). ‘He visited Israel, no problem, and Jordan, an Arabic country, without any difficulty. However in Britain, which one would expect to see as a tolerant and democratic country, the climate is very different.’

It’s true. It can get very chilly here. It also rains.

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5 comments to “‘There are clearly dark forces within the British government,’ says The Vatican. Well, to be fair, they should know all about dark forces…”

  1. I want His Holy Evilness to come to our fair shores so I can throw eggs at him. I can’t wait.

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  2. Astounding. Just, astounding.

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  3. Wouldn’t it be great, like, really great when the old cunt lands on British soil and he does that lame kissing the ground thing, if the Queen runs up and rugby kicks his head. I’m getting thrills just fantasizing about it. They’re multiplyin’.

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  4. Is that a smoke screen he’s creating?! Tut tut!!!
    Talk about the pot calling the …………….
    Can’t wait for the DEBATE on evil ……….another TUT TUT!!

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  5. Why doesn’t he stop off in Iceland and sacrifice himself to the volcano.

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