Our boyfriend speaks. Who knew?

Watchu lookin' at? Eh?

Here is David Gandy off-of our lover *down David. Not now David. This really will be a matter for the police if you’re not careful, David* was on Jonathan Ross on Friday.

No of course we didn’t watch it! What sort of cunts do you think we are? We were busy getting slaughtered somewhere well known to ourselves and besides, we’d rather stick pins in somebody else’s eye rather than watch the worst interviewer working on British TV today. And that’s saying something when we have T4, The One Show and Live From Studio Five.

But someone currently with pins in their eyes drew our attention to this. It’s David Gandy on Jonathan Ross, whose entry from the green room is accompanied by those lame cunts Four Poofs and a Piano. It isn’t funny, it never was funny, it never will be funny and it’s offensive. Would Jonathan have a gospel choir called Four Niggers and a Harmonica? No he fucking wouldn’t, the cock.

Anyway, what it boils down to is, if you can bare the sycophants laughing uproariously at every lame biscuit joke Jonathan Ross makes (maybe they’re being paid. We’ll forgive them if they’re being paid), you can watch David Gandy off-of bumming, much? talking. He’s charming in a sort of boring way. We’ll also forgive him for coming out with the line, ‘I’m not really up against other models (we’ll be the judge of that) – I’ve sort of moved on. I’m now up against David Beckham and Jude Law.’

And also when Jonathan Ross says, ‘People will recognise you even if they don’t know your name,’ to which David says, ‘Absolutely.’

And we’ll also forgive the line, ‘They say I’m the number one British model at the moment.’

Oh, and the line, ‘Yeah, people would say things like, “Oh, you’re too good looking to be a model.”‘

*Models 1 calls. Tells them to fuck off and stop being so rude*

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7 comments to “Our boyfriend speaks. Who knew?”

  1. You can forgive a lot when they have come-to-bed eyes (David)
    You can forgive nothing when they’re a munting cunt (Jonathan)

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  2. That is one of the funniest pieces that I have read from you guys. I was pissin’ me Alan Wickers… thank you biatches.

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  3. David Gandy is what, 32/33 or something? He looks 45. I don’t have a problem with that, I just find it interessant.

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  4. I’m 45, and believe me to the trained eye that’s 32.

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  5. If you put X-ray specs on I’m better looking than that prat!

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  6. PS: I fuken hate that 4 poofy cunts on a piano malarkey…how utterly patronising.

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  7. He’s not what you’d call a versatile model, is he? Versatile lover, on the other hand…

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