Mum’s the word, life’s a beach, nautical but nice and let’s all copy that famous Demi Moore picture from Vanity Fair a hundred years ago

Fat, fat, fat Fat, fat, fatter

Magazine folk aren’t the most daring of creatures. The first rule – now that magazines are essentially your mum’s Kays catalogue circa 1978 – is don’t do anything unless everyone else is doing the exact same thing.

It’s why every May you will have a swimsuit shoot and seventeen pages of strappy gladiator sandals/corky wedges/the nautical look and every June advice on not getting sunburnt (essentially ‘put some sunscreen on’ but there’s no reason that can’t go over four pages).

It’s also why, every time a celebrity gets knocked up, some bright spark at a features meeting will say, ‘I know! Why don’t we get her to do a Demi?’

How about because it’s been done by photographers far better than you can afford with celebrities far bigger than would agree to go naked in your magazine?

Or how about nobody needs to see that?

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4 comments to “Mum’s the word, life’s a beach, nautical but nice and let’s all copy that famous Demi Moore picture from Vanity Fair a hundred years ago”

  1. The one at the top looks like a cross between Sarah-Lou off-of Corrie, Posh Spice, and a crab.

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  2. Say what you want, but Claudia Schiffer is looking GOOOOOD there.

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  3. Is that person at the top even preggers or just a fatty-mcfat-fuck? Also, I know it’s vile, but who rememers the same shoot with Javine. I almost vommed my spleen. Ooh, rhyme potential! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article762814.ece

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  4. Should I say something nice about Claudia’s natural breasts or point out that a slight bit of palm support might have made that shot less bap-esque?

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