You didn’t know we spoke Scotch, did you? We’ll speak it but we’ll never drink it. We gave it to the office dog once and he had to lick his arse to get the taste out of his mouth…
Anyways and hoos, this here is Lorraine Kelly, now the most irritational person on Her Majesty’s Television Service. Oh, apart from Adrian Chiles. And Jeremy Clarkson. And Ant ‘n’ Dec. And Tyrone off-of Coronation Street. And three other people. She is here done up as – and we’re going to go multiple choice on your asses – a). Lady GaGa b). A trout c). A Scottish trout done up as Lady GaGa.
If you answered ‘all of the above’ you are now qualified to send us money in the post or via the interdolly.
She is done up as Lady GaGa for New magazine. For why? For because she is so fricking boring in her own right, the only way anyone can cover her these days is to take the rise out of the old sporran.