OK, don’t ever let it be said that we’re not big enough to give a bitch a break. Even a big bitch like Theresa May.
For in her very first duty as Minister of Equality – well, apart from lining up a lot of very nasty kitten-heeled shoes in her new office – she has released a statement on behalf of her government (well, the bits that don’t want gays banned from the country’s B&Bs – though it must be said we are self-banning from those dirty, evil-smelling shitholes with their rubber sausages – and not in a good way!), which goes something exactly like this.
‘This government is committed to creating a society that is fair for everyone and supports equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people,’ sayeth Terry. ‘This means supporting civil partnerships, tackling homophobic bullying wherever it occurs, changing the law regarding historic convictions for consensual gay sex and using our international influence to put pressure on countries where LGB&T people are persecuted’ Three cheers, three lions and three of the best. But there’s more…
‘These commitments show our determination to tear down the barriers that continue to hold people back.’ But we quite like being held back. No, sorry, that’s ‘down’. We quite like being held down.