But apparently, she ditched him. Read that again: she ditched him! No, we don’t believe it either. According to those saucy sources that get so many stories in the papers (if we’re ever famous, we’re signing them up to do our PR) she thought he was becoming too famous and couldn’t deal with the competition.
Really? We saw him in some shit film called Triangle but that’s only because we watch way too many movies no one’s ever heard of.
But hey ho (yes, Miley, you ho, we’re talking to you! Don’t look at your friend. We’re talking to you!), keep away from our new boyfriend, OK? Go and put your filthy Christian stank over someone your own size. If you can find someone your own size, you DUMPY LITTLE DWARF.
Oh, did we say that out loud?