So, the news is that sales of Speedo-style swimwear is up, up, up.
In related news, gay men’s moods/spirits/fronts of trousers are also up, up, up.
Yes, as we gays have known since time immemorial, there is nothing makes a beach holiday fun so much as a bunch of gents showing it all off in tiny little swimwear. Preferably light coloured for maximum Visible Penis Line (or VPL), maybe even – if we’re being greedy, and we find we are – with the lining cut out.
The ladies over at The Daily Cunt however (well, we say ‘ladies’, we really mean Jan Moir, remember that charming character who said Stephen Gately deserved to die for thinking he could get married to his male partner or somesuch? Nice piece, she is) have come over all fainting fits and smelling salts and cologne on their hankies at the very prospect of any man wearing anything skimpier than an all-over body burkha on the beach this summer.
‘Only a certain type of man wears Speedos,’ says the very meaty Ms. Moir, who will be wearing stretch-kaftans and gimp masks (we hope) on the beach this summer. ‘A certain type of, shall we say, deluded exhibitionist. The type of man who wants to show you his bacon and eggs before you’ve even agreed to have dinner with him, let alone breakfast.’
Love, if you can even find the man who could sit across from you while actually eating food we’ll… what will we do? We’ll eat Ricky Martin’s Speedos clean off him.
Though, we warn you, there won’t be anything clean about it.