Would you pay £4 million for this goofy mouthed, barely intelligible Northern Irish bit of skirt? Cash strapped ITV would (God, that sounds like a strapline from The Daily Cunt!)

Gruesome

So, you may never hear the end of how ITV hasn’t got any money, how you need to keep phoning in to Britain’s Got Talent just to keep the shit, sorry, ship, afloat (bomb the bloody ship, say we) and how ITV execs are having to phone out for 2-for-1 pizzas just to keep body and soul together. And then you hear that, with Her Majesty’s BBC having got fed up with simpering div Christine Bleakley’s dithering about whether to take their £900,000 or not, ITV step in to offer her a three-year, four-million-pound deal to rejoin the Pilsbury Doughboy, Adrian Chiles.

Some tips for the ITV negotiating team. 

1). If someone has just dumped her from a £900,000 deal, you don’t really need to pay her £4m. £800,000 would have done it, probably a lot less.

2). Nobody actually likes her.

3). If this is to join him on the GMTV couch, no one watches it anymore anyway.

4). Nobody actually likes him.

5). Nobody can actually understand her.

6). You can’t afford it.

7). It makes viewers think you are even more useless than you patently are.

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7 comments to “Would you pay £4 million for this goofy mouthed, barely intelligible Northern Irish bit of skirt? Cash strapped ITV would (God, that sounds like a strapline from The Daily Cunt!)”

  1. These two are awful. Really, really awful. Just, awful.

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  2. They look like they were dressed with paper doll clothes. Totally nasty outfits. What would happen if the teleprompter went off……

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  3. I’ve never heard of this woman … but, then again, I don’t watch AM telly.

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  4. She’s actually off PM telly, Richard. The One Show, 7pm. Miss it.

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  5. Yet another example of ITV’s tireless strive for utter mediocrity.

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  6. Oh. PM telly. I’ve only seen THE ONE SHOW once, I think. The Pet Shop Boys were on there or summink. Who can say? I watch all my telly on-demand (iPlayer, etc). And I’d never ‘demand’ The One Show! :-p

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  7. sweet baby jaysus, make it go away. and not come back

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