You’ll have someone’s eye out! Has anyone ever had someone’s eye out, by the way? Like, ever? Parents and teachers and Blue Peter presenters were obsessed, weren’t they? Without one shred of evidence that anyone ever had their eye out. Or was it their sheer vigilence on the subject that prevented multiple eye-outings?

Honey is that a gun in your bra or are you... no, that doesn't work.

So, she’s finished the new album (we were about to advise a couple of months off but since she’s done it already) and there’s plenty in there for the gays, apparentement.

In a new interview with the very not new Rolling Stone magoizine, Gaga reckons the content of said long-player is a little more political than ‘Alejandro, Alejandro, Ale Ale Ale Alejandro’.

‘Why are we still talking about ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’?’ sayeth the Lady. Why indeed? We aren’t, by the way. Still talking about it, that is. ‘It’s like, what fucking year is it?’ Honey, go tell it on a mountain, over the hills and far away. AKA, can we get an Amen? Failing that, just a man.

‘It makes me crazy!’ Oh, there’s more. ‘And I have been for three years baking cakes — and now I’m going to bake a cake that has a bitter jelly. The message of the new music is now more bitter than it was before. Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be.’

Mmmmmm, cake. Sorry, you were saying?

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