Myleene Klass is favourite to replace Christine Bleakley as lead female turn on The One Show.
*de-de-de-de-de-OOOOOOOOONE; de-de-de-de-de-OOOOOOOOONE; de-de-de-de-de-OOOOOOOOONE*
Can you believe we dedicate so much time to thinking about this? It’s just The One Show takes up a vital *checks* half-hour of everyone’s day. It’s that no-man’s land betwixt *checks* 7pm and 7.30pm when we’re waiting for *checks* Corrie and or Beasty Benders to start when there’s bugger all on apart from *checks* some show about little baby birds with poorly wings in Sussex. What the fuck else are we supposed to do? *checks* Get pissed?
*writes that one down*
Any and a whore, Myleene Klass off-of yet to meet a person who likes her who isn’t an actual moron, is the bookies’ favourite to replace the Northern Irish bird who ITV have inexplicably given 2/3 of their entire budget. For doing bugger all, going off her back-catalogue.
But lest you thought the only qualification you need to get work on Her Majesty’s Televisionboxes in this day and age is insipidness (the noun doesn’t quite have the ring we were looking for, but you catch our STI…), a glimmer of hope has reached us on a Ryvita biscuit that was last seen floating down The Thames. Melanie Sykes and Emma Bunton are also in the running.
*runs after them*
And can we just say we j’adore the pair of them. First of all, they don’t have mouths that freak us out. Fifthly, they are funny and filthy and outrageous (sure, this is Universal rating show so they can’t talk about cock but they can surely give a knowing wink) and we have cherished moments with both.
*memories, like the corner of our shandy booze-addled minds…*
And Emma Baby Bunting has thin hair, which means empathy.