Oprah’s on top


There is a direct correlation between Oprah’s hair and her wealth. She is also fat.Oprah Winfrey, who is fat, is officially the most powerful famous of the famouses. So says Forbes, so say all of us (we actually don’t. If we refuse to watch Oprah, she ain’t got diddly fuck power over us) and so says someone else whose face is pixelated. (It’s Oprah. Eating a Chunky KitKat.)

To make any joke about Oprah ‘Fat’ Winfrey’s weight at this point would be churlish. Just, churlish.

The Forbes Celebrity Power 100 is a measurement of entertainment-related earnings over the past 12 months, as well as visibility in print, TV, radio and online, and weight.

And Oprah’s come out all toppy. She is officially an aggressive top. She even has the t-shirt to prove it, in XXXL.

We like a list. We often find ourselves on them.

Other famouses of note on the list include Bouncy Beyoncé, who spookily also has silky-shiny hair, and who comes in at No. 2 with earnings of approximately $7billion for the tax year ending April 2010.


Simon Cowell, who peddles utter shit for a living (not you Leona honey. Not you), ranks No. 11. He earnt $80million last year, which must come in handy down the hair salon.

Robert Pattinson off-of more vampire nonsense makes his debut (bet he does) at No. 50, with earnings of $17million.

(This is riveting…)

Kate Moss? 91, $9million.

Danielle Radcliffe? 82, $25million

David Beckham? 36, $44million.

The Little Baby Jesus? Fiddled the books and was disqualified.

This is the Top Ten, pop-pickers… *theme to Top of the Pops plays on a bugle*

1. Oprah Winfrey – $315m (£208m)
2. Beyonce Knowles – $87m (£57m)
3. James Cameron – $210m (£139m)
4. Lady Gaga – $62m (£41m)
5. Tiger Woods – $105m (£69m)
6. Britney Spears – $64m (£42m)
7. U2 – $130m (£86m)
8. Sandra Bullock – $56m (£37m)
9. Johnny Depp – $75m (£49m)
10. Madonna – $58m (£38m)

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