And it wasn’t us! We promise. We have alibis and everything. And if anyone finds any of our DNA, well, we have a twin who went missing some years ago in Africa and it was probably him.
We think it was the maids who were cleaning their rooms. But if they should turn up on eBay, there’s nothing wrong with putting in a little bid, is there? Especially if they are all mis-shapen up the front from having John Terry’s bulge twisting ’em all out of kilter.
But while we are on the subject of England’s disgrace and how the United Kingdom now has to rethink its entire attitude towards competitive sports in school… we Brits *stands up, salutes the Union Jack, bobs curtsey to picture of Queen, rattles through several verses of the national anthem* are actually quite good at the old running and jumping in tight clothing, you know. It’s not all about football.
Football is the least of the sports. All about money and spit-roasting and going out with (and marrying!) tarts. We came fourth at the Olympics – after USA, China and Russia – and that’s proper sports, ‘getting up early to break the ice before you can get your canoe in’ sports. With no money for it unless you can wangle a sponsorship from Everyman vitamins or something.
So, never mind a little bit of rubbish at soccer. We just beat the Aussies at cricket and Andy Murray is in the quarter finals at Wimbledon. Which we hope he loses.