So, not only are England humiliated at the hands of the Germans (mmm, ‘humiliated’, ‘Germans’ ‘hands’), they now face the indignity of having their panties purloined!

Does my cock look big in these?

And it wasn’t us! We promise. We have alibis and everything. And if anyone finds any of our DNA, well, we have a twin who went missing some years ago in Africa and it was probably him.

We think it was the maids who were cleaning their rooms. But if they should turn up on eBay, there’s nothing wrong with putting in a little bid, is there? Especially if they are all mis-shapen up the front from having John Terry’s bulge twisting ’em all out of kilter.

But while we are on the subject of England’s disgrace and how the United Kingdom now has to rethink its entire attitude towards competitive sports in school… we Brits *stands up, salutes the Union Jack, bobs curtsey to picture of Queen, rattles through several verses of the national anthem* are actually quite good at the old running and jumping in tight clothing, you know. It’s not all about football.

Football is the least of the sports. All about money and spit-roasting and going out with (and marrying!) tarts. We came fourth at the Olympics – after USA, China and Russia – and that’s proper sports, ‘getting up early to break the ice before you can get your canoe in’ sports. With no money for it unless you can wangle a sponsorship from Everyman vitamins or something.

So, never mind a little bit of rubbish at soccer. We just beat the Aussies at cricket and Andy Murray is in the quarter finals at Wimbledon. Which we hope he loses.

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7 comments to “So, not only are England humiliated at the hands of the Germans (mmm, ‘humiliated’, ‘Germans’ ‘hands’), they now face the indignity of having their panties purloined!”

  1. Oh hooray for saying that. England may be shit at football with a bunch of overpaid wankers, but we’re very good indeed at sports plural. I really wish everyone would get over the football thing already. It’s a sport full of losers, for losers.
    Give me running and jumping any day.

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  2. Bumming is the only sport I’ll watch. Or take part in. And I’m quite good at it, I’ll have you know. I’ve won medals and everything.

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  3. Jon Tez should switch to bumming. He’d make a very nice agressive top.

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  4. i’m loving his bulge action i must say. more of it please.

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  5. John Terry … I know I shouldn’t … but I *would*. I absolutely would.

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  6. Shirtlifter.

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  7. I prefer Aussy rules football in short shorts yums package akimbo

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