Homophobic person on the Daily Mail? Surely that must be some mistake!

Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?

Stephen Fry off-of please come back to the Baftas, has a new boyfriend. It is the smaller of the two gennelmen pictured here, one of whom is Robert Lindsay who now enjoys his gin and tonic rather than needs it, safe it the knowledge that since the launch of Miranda he is no longer the star of the shittest comedy on the BBC.

But Colin Bourner from ‘s’ (they have a lovely pier!) doesn’t like hearing about the love-lives of gays. It makes him feel sick. When he’s being pissed on in the urinals at Liverpool Street Station he finds it hard to keep it down.

And it does seem churlish to be pedantic at this juncture, what with his delicate stomach and all, but Colin, honey, your granddad said, ‘If you’re going to push shit about, make sure it is in a wheelbarrow.’ That’s, ‘If you’re.’ ‘You’re’. It is a contraction, you + are. If you’re going to be rude, read it through a few times first.

Your granddad was also a cunt. As, sir, are you.

*curtseys; pushes some shit about*

And now for the science bit… Would you bum Sir Stephen Fry?

Let’s look at the pros and cons (no, not those sort of pros. You’re thinking of George Michael. And not those sort of cons. You’re thinking of Boy George.)

OK, pros (no, not you, ‘things in favour’)… He’s funny. He’s on telly. He’s erudite. He’s loaded. He’s connected. He’s slimmed down. He probably gets really good free stuff. 

And cons… Funny can get wearing. Having people keep going, ‘Oh, you’re that guy on telly!’ when you’re trying to eat your own bodyweight in caviar – the dear stuff! – down The Wolseley can get wearing (except when it’s Joan Collins, then it becomes double wearing). Erudite can get wearing. Loaded strangely never gets that wearing. He’s probably connected to some pretty wearing people. He may have slimmed down but people on diets are really wearing. Free stuff we like.

All in all, and in conclusion, we think we’re probably way too tired to be bumming Stephen Fry. But good luck to that young person who is!

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10 comments to “Homophobic person on the Daily Mail? Surely that must be some mistake!”

  1. Lovely that the comment got through though, isn’t it?

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  2. Funny thing their editorial policy. When I am alerted that the Daily Heil has published some crappy homophobic story my comments never seem to get through, but this pile of hatred is deemed ok by them?

    Nazi fuckers.

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  3. Such a great noosepaper. Great editing – “i know you wont print this”. Wont. Want? Won’t? Went?
    I don’t think I could bum him. Look at the photo, he is so obviously on a different plane than the other two in the frame. “Lost interest after they began speaking. Will now conjugate rude latin words in my head until someone interesting comes along.”

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  4. Colin Bourner is vile (and if pedantry is the word du jour, it’s ‘grandad’ or ‘grand-dad’, not ‘granddad’). But at least 28 people rated his comment as negative. Now, I’d love to stay and chat but I’m off to push some shit about.

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  5. I’m pushing it about as we speak. Look, no hands!

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  6. You kids kill me. You so FUN!

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  7. Oh. Errr … Stephen is lovely! Capable. Ample. That’s all I’m saying. (-:

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  8. I wouldn’t do him. Silvie, think ya got the nail on the head there.

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  9. I’ve just found these comments. Just to let you all know; after I “penned” that advice from my granddad, I was banned from any further submissions to the Daily Mail. Possible the Moderator was a perv?

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  10. Colin – you’re not allowed to say anything like that any more in this demented country

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