Stephen Fry off-of please come back to the Baftas, has a new boyfriend. It is the smaller of the two gennelmen pictured here, one of whom is Robert Lindsay who now enjoys his gin and tonic rather than needs it, safe it the knowledge that since the launch of Miranda he is no longer the star of the shittest comedy on the BBC.
But Colin Bourner from ‘s’ (they have a lovely pier!) doesn’t like hearing about the love-lives of gays. It makes him feel sick. When he’s being pissed on in the urinals at Liverpool Street Station he finds it hard to keep it down.
And it does seem churlish to be pedantic at this juncture, what with his delicate stomach and all, but Colin, honey, your granddad said, ‘If you’re going to push shit about, make sure it is in a wheelbarrow.’ That’s, ‘If you’re.’ ‘You’re’. It is a contraction, you + are. If you’re going to be rude, read it through a few times first.
Your granddad was also a cunt. As, sir, are you.
*curtseys; pushes some shit about*
And now for the science bit… Would you bum Sir Stephen Fry?
Let’s look at the pros and cons (no, not those sort of pros. You’re thinking of George Michael. And not those sort of cons. You’re thinking of Boy George.)
OK, pros (no, not you, ‘things in favour’)… He’s funny. He’s on telly. He’s erudite. He’s loaded. He’s connected. He’s slimmed down. He probably gets really good free stuff.
And cons… Funny can get wearing. Having people keep going, ‘Oh, you’re that guy on telly!’ when you’re trying to eat your own bodyweight in caviar – the dear stuff! – down The Wolseley can get wearing (except when it’s Joan Collins, then it becomes double wearing). Erudite can get wearing. Loaded strangely never gets that wearing. He’s probably connected to some pretty wearing people. He may have slimmed down but people on diets are really wearing. Free stuff we like.
All in all, and in conclusion, we think we’re probably way too tired to be bumming Stephen Fry. But good luck to that young person who is!