She really is the nastiest kind of fame whore, this one. Flattered by the attention as only someone with teeth the colour of a fairly dark brown shoe (smart for town!) and tits round her waist can be, she has variously dyed her hair blonde, worn low-cut dresses and gone on about her virginity like it’s something to be proud of.
She is Ann Widdecombe (aka The oldest man in the world) and she has now selected herself for Strictly Come Dancing, the pro-celeb ballroom show that has been renamed Dancing with the Stars everywhere else, probably to avoid the word ‘Come’ in a TV show aimed at family audiences.
So, while we take a moment to put our eyes out with hot pokers rather than see ex-Tory minister and high homophobe Ann Widdecombe in form-fitting lurex, let us inform you that up against her (the very idea!) will be Felicity Kendall off-of The Good Life (and actually quite a good classical actress), Gavin Henson off-of orange and Charlotte Church and professional rock wife, actress and actually very nice person (anyone who opens two bottles of champers over an interview must be OK, right?) Patsy Kensit.
And to end on a joke, while we select some outsize sunshades to cover over our put-out eyes: What’s white and prances across the dancefloor with pure flair? Cum Dancing!