Let us reacquaint you with Myra, lez-bean partner of one Samantha Fox, former titty bird in scuzz papers, rock star with 30million albums sold to date (who bought those?) and one of the loveliest ladies in pop/showbusiness/tits.
Having watched last night’s Celebrity Come Dine With Me (it was event television, people! And they say digital killed the television star…), we got to thinking/thought just how much we j’adore Samantha Fox. So much so that we fell right head over heels in love with her all over again, which takes quite some taking, especially when she’s doing her ‘I’m just going down the cellar’ joke. We just can’t keep up.
As one half of the only real celebrity content of that show alongside Janice Dickinson (Callum Best if famous for being the offspring of a drunk, the other famous for putting his penis inside someone who is now dead) Sam was not only a delight to behold, but delightful. If she’d served Angel Delight, it would not have been ironic. It would have been poignant. We would have been inspired to write a song and call it ‘Big Yellow Taxi’.
Which brings us to Myra, same-sex partner of Samantha Fox who doesn’t like labels but last time we looked female ladies who schtupp other female ladies are known as
crazy lesbians. Or just crazy lesbians. They all have a violent streak, right? It’s carrying all those keys…
But then it got us to thinking/made us think, what a lucky lady lesbian Myra is. For she is what is known in the business as an old boiler. Now we’re not *checks* old lesbian boilers but we imagine if we were, we’d be counting our lucky make-up-free make-up bags that we’d landed the Page 3 stunner that is Smamfa Fox, who not long ago walked into our dear friend’s bar in Essex’s glittering Chingford and called someone a ‘rat cunt’. That’s practically ‘you wanna move in?’ in Lezlish.
And can we just say, Dave ‘voiceover’ Lamb. It’s all very well being (sort of) witty and catty and cutting and rude and etc. when you’ve been given the preview tape and have weeks to come up with (sort of) witty/catty/cutting/rude/etc. retorts. Let’s try putting you face to face with Janice Dickinson without notes, see how well you fare.
Now ‘Touch Me’…