Kellan Lutz will get a reputation for having a penis if he’s not careful.

A cock? Are you crazy?

Never knowlingly not in greige, Kellan Lutz ought not to be afraid of colour. Little rouge on the lips, the clothes come next. Baby steps.

Legs. The legs. Both of them. Pruning around the perineum is one thing, completely Veet-ing your Lindas is downright womanly. Unless you need to save vital milliseconds in the pool.

And it looks like he suffers from the perennial problem faced by those who refuse to carry a bag. Or even a bum-bag. Or even a fanny-pack. Or even a Tilly, three paces behind at all times. Unsightly pockets that detract. It’s an age-old problem as old as time itself, and even older than that. Why do you think the Mesopotamians went tits-up?

Though we like his dog’s two-tone tail. Modern, inventive.

Now for more evidence of Kellan Lutz’s alleged penis…

Is that a VPL or are you just walking your dog?

Weekly shop, working mum...

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Kellan Lutz will get a reputation for having a penis if he's not careful. , 8.2 out of 10 based on 5 ratings


  1. Angela Lansbury says:

    and yet…. and yet we think that inside Mr Lutz there is a very fat boy just bursting to get out. We pray we be wrong.

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  1. [...] Anyway, to make it up to you, here is the latest Calvin Klein pants advert starring Kellan Lutz. Which is funny, because we always had an inkling he had a penis. [...]

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