The Partying Potato (TM) and Eli Roth are apparently getting married.
Peaches Geldof, who really is the human equivalent of a potato – just a whole bunch of empty carbs – has bewitched the Hostel director (he directs a hostel?) into either proposing to her or accepting her proposal (she’s a Scientologist. They’re very forward-thinking you know).
You might recall Peaches Geldof has been married before, and said some bollocks at the time about being in love and this is for life and stop patronizing me and I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky.
They’re getting married in London’s glittering New York on a roof. Fuck, we LOVE roofs!
We give it eleven months, if it happens. If it doesn’t happen, we give it five.
But can we just say, really, can we just say, we admire people who see something in someone that nobody else in the entire world sees. Talent, for a start. It’s an extraordinary thing, so much so that we do believe – and we don’t want anyone to get embarrassed here – but we really do believe Eli Roth is a human miracle. He’s like the female Jesus.