Joe McElderry, the dolly with the teeth who won X Factory (did he win? We can’t actually remember and only have the one hand free) who swore deaf, blind and anally he wasn’t a big ol’ gay, has decided that *looks down pants* yes, he is indeed a big ol’ gay. One of the ones that bums.
Well, we hate to say told you so, but told you so, with a big fucking glacé cherry on top (and a dusting of Hundreds & Thousands). What was with the lying, hmmmn? Your gayness went round bends, for baby Jesus’s sake.
Apparently, Joe McElderbush only came out after his Twitter account was hacked (who’d bother?) by some lame twats who outed him as a joke.
‘I have always been a very honest person and so it is important for me to continue to be honest,’ says the big gay.
*looks up ‘honesty’*
‘There has been speculation about my sexuality in the past,’ he continued. Has there?
‘… and I have always been honest at the time I have been asked.’
*looks up ‘honesty’ again; reads; rubs eyes; reads*
‘I think the Twitter thing was the point when I realised I was gay.’
*hacks into own Twitter account; writes, ‘You are gay and number three on the Times Rich List’; comes out, richly*