Joe ‘I’m not gay’ McElderry has come out as *checks notes* gay!

Which is the gay one?

Joe McElderry, the dolly with the teeth who won X Factory (did he win? We can’t actually remember and only have the one hand free) who swore deaf, blind and anally he wasn’t a big ol’ gay, has decided that *looks down pants* yes, he is indeed a big ol’ gay. One of the ones that bums.

Well, we hate to say told you so, but told you so, with a big fucking glacé cherry on top (and a dusting of Hundreds & Thousands). What was with the lying, hmmmn? Your gayness went round bends, for baby Jesus’s sake.

Apparently, Joe McElderbush only came out after his Twitter account was hacked (who’d bother?) by some lame twats who outed him as a joke.

‘I have always been a very honest person and so it is important for me to continue to be honest,’ says the big gay.

*looks up ‘honesty’*

‘There has been speculation about my sexuality in the past,’ he continued. Has there?

‘… and I have always been honest at the time I have been asked.’

*looks up ‘honesty’ again; reads; rubs eyes; reads*

‘I think the Twitter thing was the point when I realised I was gay.’

What?!

*hacks into own Twitter account; writes, ‘You are gay and number three on the Times Rich List’; comes out, richly*

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More dolly #content:

12 comments to “Joe ‘I’m not gay’ McElderry has come out as *checks notes* gay!”

  1. Highly highlarious.

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  2. And don’t any of these apologists start giving the, ‘Oh, he’s only *insert age* and was confused’ bollocks, like he’s actually now saying. As soon as I lay eyes on my first tender cock, I knew where my future lay.
    Straights are never ‘confused’ about their sexuality.

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  3. Liar, liar, bum’s on fire.

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  4. Soon to be seen drinking WKD Blue down GAY bar of a Wednesday evening, miming the words to Sonia’s greatest hits.

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  5. i think it’s slightly [very slightly] more interesting that he’s the most unsuccessful X-factor winner ever….

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  6. Who the eff is he? And why did he get his first stiffie thinking about a man’s bottom when he was in his mid twenties looking on social networking site Twatter? I would have thought that would have happened when he was about 12 in PE like everybody else?

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  7. Sorry, Smalls, but not EVERY teenager minces around town singing “I’m here, I’m queer”. Any gay guy knows how difficult the whole thing can be, so good on him that he’s doing it when he’s ready.

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  8. Of course, Fan… But denial is never the way forward. My parents were cunts to me, but there was never any question of lying to myself, or them, about it. I have more self-respect than that. And also, fyi, I didn’t “mince around town” telling everyone I was “queer”. I merely didn’t lie about it. That’s a dangerous stereotype you’ve got there…
    It’s also insulting when someone is so obviously lying about it… it’s suggesting being gay is a bad thing.
    At the very least, this guy was badly advised by someone to deny being gay, as he very openly did.

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  9. well, whatever his reasoning, i wouldn’t want my cock anywhere near them terrifying gnashers!

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  10. Antony don’t, you’re putting me off my morning Baileys…

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  11. I KNEW Twitter was the cause of my gayness!

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  12. Smalls – the only reason straight people are never confused it because they never end up gay so they dont have to say “i was confused” because they dont have to come out!
    anyways … the administrators of this site please get a life? and stop abusing talented lovely people because you’re obvioulsy old & bitter!

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