‘And you are in my mirror because…?’ Is this set to be the greatest movie since Showgirls?

Say after me, I have got very beautiful lips

With all the depth of an early Paula Abdul video, tons of dancing on back-to-front chairs, stocking-tops, horns, gilt mirrors, gays, brightly coloured cocktails, Cher giving make-up tips, Christina Aguilera as an ingenue, it could be, like, your regular Tuesday night dream. 

But it’s not. It’s a movie. No, it’s more than a movie. It’s Burlesque. Starring Cher as the owner of a *checks notes* burlesque and Christina Aguilera as a waitress in a *checks notes* burlesque who dreams of performing on the stage of a *checks notes* working men’s club in the north of England. Sorry, burlesque.

And the trailer is out now! Like right now! Like right now over the jump! *screams. Wakes up with stocking tops on display*

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3 comments to “‘And you are in my mirror because…?’ Is this set to be the greatest movie since Showgirls?”

  1. Cheap, awful dialogue, bad acting, predictable and complete unadulterated chintz. I can’t wait to see this- the trailer has given me lady wood.

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  2. It’s like this girl who like wants to be a performer, who like begs this woman who’s like been doing it for years and like doesn’t really pay much attention, but then like is really amazed because the girl is like so amazing, which we all know in advance, because she is played by the singer Christina Haggeylaria and then there’s like lights and singing and dancing and like really feel good shiny moments and she’s like called Alice and like the funniest thing ever is this guy who says “Welcome To Wonderland” which is like a reference to the story by Lewis Carrol ‘Alice In Wonderland’ which is like the funniest bit. Cher is like also in it. ‘Are you kidding me with this HOOW etc’

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  3. Oh and dear, such a trainwreck even in the “good bits” scrounged for the trailer. The long-awaited “Showgirls” sequel perhaps? Looks woodenly-directed, over-written, self-consciously acted and generally awful. Where do I get my tickets?

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