Get an iPhone, have more sex.

9:41am? Where does the time go?!

Subliminanaly, all adverts try and make you believe buying their product makes you more attractive to the opposite/same sex/whichever floats your bucket. Even those adverts for the Normans season on BBC2 (which is reeeeeeally good, by the way! *changes name to William*).

*workie hands over note; ‘Sex sells’, note reads; workie gets a slap, and not for the fourth time*

So it must come as rather lovely news – which is the same as news, only much lovelier – that owners of iPhones get more bumming than users of other smartphones, whatever a ‘smartphone’ is.

According to analysis (fancy!) of 10,000 of its users,, which no-one had ever heard of until…. wait a minute… not yet…. just hold yer ‘orses!… WAIT! Jesus, you’d be carnage in YO! Sushi… almost there… nnnnnnnnnnnnnOW!, men with iPhones had on average ten sexual partners by the time they were 30.

That’s a *checks notes* lot, right?

That compares to 8.1 for Blackberry users and six for the Android. We have no idea what an Android is. Is it a robot from the future?

As for the womens, those with an iPhone put out for 12.3 partners before they were 30 (slags), with similar figures for the rest.

*places iPhone on windowsill; slips into pantyhose*

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More dolly #content:

4 comments to “Get an iPhone, have more sex.”

  1. I have an iPhone and I’m 30. But I ain’t telling you how many sexual partners I’ve had. You only get that kind of info after a Lemon Drop and a bit of over-the-sweater action.

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  2. i have an I-phone and i’m as old as the hills dear. and i’d had hundreds of mens before mobile telephones had even been invented. i matters not one jot.

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  3. 10 before 30? Which 30 was that? 1:30? Yes I could squeeze that in.

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  4. Call me presumptuous, but I’m guessing OKCupid is a straight dating site…?

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