Can anyone work out whether Christwire (‘Conservative values for an unsaved world’!) is for real or an elaborate, brilliant and very well put together joke for us?
With features like ‘Warning! Black music infiltrates the minds of future homemaking white women’, ‘My sassy child is out of control’ and ‘Why do rabbits rape cats?’ it’s got to be a joke, right? Right? You can never tell with the Christians.
The article that caught our eye was this warning to parents to not let their daughters become fag hags. The research behind such a recherche bit of child-rearing advice includes the findings that…
‘Homosexuals of all ages and young women share many similar obsessions – clothes, gossip and melodramatic TV shows – and this is what draws them together.’
‘The more time a girl spends with her homosexual friends, the more she will fall under the influence of their habits and mannerisms… Most mimic homosexual facial expressions, tending to frown and wince a great deal to evince a disdainful attitude towards the world.’
‘Instead of cultivating a delicate, feminine look, many dress in black clothes and heavy shoes. Some keep their cheeks pale and wear not enough lipstick.’ (Honey, none of the fag hags we know would go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without a full face of make-up!)
‘Young girs are lured into what passes for a “glamorous” lifestyle in the big cities of America – flashy friends, models and actors, days spent shopping at Bloomingdales…’ Bloomingdales?
But the real reason the gays are bad to hang out with… ‘The homosexual is like a locust – limber, voracious and without conscience.’ We’ll give you limber. It’s all the yoga. ‘They consume everything in their path, stripping the purest things bare, leaving them barren and alone in the cold night air. They will rampage through cities and cultures, whether it’s San Francisco or the Brazilians or the hallowed chambers of the Vatican.’
Phew, we feel jiggered out after all of that rampaging. We might have to relax with a melodramatic TV show.
But are these people for reals? Are they? For reals?