Now we know you’ve all been on tenterhooks – we can smell it from here – but this is the short-awaited filmette from Martin Scorsese for the new Chanel pong, Bleu de Chanel.
The reason we are putting this up will become very clear. It is because there’s bugger all else happening, we have a class at the gymgaysium in precisely 32 minutes which involves both colour and movement, if we don’t make it we will be fat, fat, fat and no-one will love us, and there once was a man from Nantucket. There really was.
The film, made at a cost of between half a crown and £184million, sees Gaspard Ulliel in a press conference being asked a really hard question by a journalist and getting a tad flustered.
We believe it takes its inspiration from the recent press conference with Katie Price we were forced to attend (at gunpoint. She pointed a fucking gun at us. Can you believe?) for her to launch some more god-awful schmutter during which she slagged off the press (erm, and you exist because…?), invited questions from the floor (most of whom were plaiting each others’ hair and/or on Grindr), no-one could be arsed, then someone was arsed *makes ‘L’ shape in front of head* and asks, ‘Are you having another baby?’, Katie Price goes, ‘You lot seem to know everything, you tell me!’, a tumbleweed trots past, Katie Price goes, ‘Any more questions?’ in that flat-as-a-moron voice of hers, we go, ‘Yeah. Why are you such a cunt?’
We’re not necessarily saying she heard us, but it’s the thought that counts.
And this film by Martin Scorsese contains one of those apartments where everything’s covered in white chiffon (they still make those?). It is also very Blow-Up.
Well it all looks like bollocks so it must be worth something…