Finally, scientists come up with the research we’ve been pouring money into for years: hard drinkers live longer than abstainers! We’ll drink to that!

Cheers!

It’s the kind of research that restores your faith in science, scientists and all who sail in or around them. Hard drinkers live longer than non-drinkers! They also have a whole load more fun, but that bit’s not scientific. Not yet, anyhow *sips pre-lunch Bombay and tonic. Enjoys the fizz on the nose*

In a paper – which we are having laminated! – entitled Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, the following findings were, erm, found *twizzles cocktail with twizzle stick*

‘Even though heavy drinking is associated with higher risk for cirrhosis and several types of cancer (particularly cancers in the mouth and esophagus), heavy drinkers are less likely to die than people who have never drunk.’ See! And that was in Time, that was. And Time wouldn’t lie. Not to us.

To cut a very long paper short, findings have found that it’s difficult to put a finger on the reasons why non-drinkers are worst off (out of heavy drinkers, moderate drinkers and non-drinkers) but think that a contributing factor might be that people who don’t drink are more likely to be depressed (we’ll say!)

We now call for a summary closing down of all AA outlets. We’ve lost too many friends to that disease.

PS me-me-me encourages you to drink responsibly. Or irresponsibly. As long as you drink. Now, where’s that goddamn workie? This drink is all but dry.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

More dolly #content:

4 comments to “Finally, scientists come up with the research we’ve been pouring money into for years: hard drinkers live longer than abstainers! We’ll drink to that!”

  1. This is the best news I ever heard. Champagne for Lulu…!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  2. Whatever next? Anal sex give you a good bum workout? Oh, it does? Make mine a big one in that case.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  3. i’ve known this for years… hence my rugged good looks and spiralling tab at the bar.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  4. Having just staggered in (gracefully) from a night on the sauce, I feel i can concur. There, It’s clearly official.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Leave a comment