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Some people will use anything to get off!

oucha

Now, that’s got to smart!

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Oh, look! It’s Heidi!

Poor fucking horse!

Well, it’s Heidi if Heidi grew up to be a big, fat, ugly, talentless drug-taking Scientologist cunt, that is.

Moments after this photograph was taken, Peaches was thrown from the horse and trampled to a bloody death. Well, in our heads she was.

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You’ve got about seven minutes to watch this before EMI take it down. Miserable bastards.

Looks like a Sanex kinda guy to us.

Well it’s news to us, but Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams have done a duet.

Next they’ll be telling us Fairy Liquid’s good at lifting stubborn dried-on food.

So they keep putting the full video of it on YouTube (no idea who ‘they’ are. What do you think this is, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman?) but EMI keep taking it down. Go figure.

*can’t*

So after the break there’s the full video of ‘Shame’ which has managed to slip through the proverbial vagina. We would like to announce, publicly if you will, that we like it. And Gary gets a little red sticker on his head for being the most bummable. Those eyebrows have a sex life of their own…!

And if anyone’s not clicked, those are Gary Barlow’s armpits up there. Some people get off on that. Can you imagine? (more…)

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This man’s murdered body was found in a suitcase the other day. And all his parents can quibble about is government ‘smears’ that he might have been gay

Secret Squirrel

A little background for you: Gareth Williams was probably a spy and, after no one had seen him for ages, members of the spying community called at his house to find him done in. It’s a bad state of affairs but then we’ve all seen The Bourne Supremacy (actually we haven’t, but hey…)

According to the Daily Cunt, the family of said dead person, who you might have thought would be mourning their sad loss, have accused the government of running, and we quote, ‘a dirty tricks campaign’ (that’s the family) to ‘blacken the name’ (that’s the Daily Cunt) of Gareth Williams. That’s him in tight clothing during free time off from being a spy.

‘The lad had been away from home for a long time — we did not know much about his private life, but it has never crossed any of our minds that he could be gay,’ said one William Hughes, an uncle. ‘It’s not the picture they have of their son,’ he went on. ‘Maybe it’s the Government or somebody trying to discredit him.’

Because being gay, as far as The Daily Cunt is concerned, is probably the worst thing anyone could accuse anyone of, isn’t it? Even if he is already dead.

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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, houses.

Where's the conservatory? We love a house, don’t you?

Maybe it’s the ‘mo in us, maybe it’s the lack of affection our dirty mother showed us when we were younger, maybe it’s the fact that….

*oooh, shiny!*

But there’s nothing quite like a house. Nice ones, though. None of your Barratt shite. Or your Wimpey shite. Or your Sylvanian Families shite. Flimsy.

This house up there is none of the above. There’s a clue in the fact that it is what is known in the business as ‘good’. It is also Rowan Atkinson’s soon-to-be-built house in the teeny-weeny-tiny 7th Century village of Ipsden in London’s glittering Oxfordshire. 

It is also designed by Richard Meier. Those familiar with his work will find this familiar. 

It’s going to cost him £5million, and that’s on top of the £2,647,500 (why not £2,646,500?) he paid for the plot ‘n’ house it came with in 2006.

*makes a note of that*

Local villagers are ‘up in arms’, saying it will ruin the character of their village. Rowan Atkinson, in response, told them to shove it up their arses. We paraphrase. A lot.

Question: We have Blackadder, then we have Mr. Bean. Question mark. 

(more…)

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Flash flash, click click, flash flash…

All he wanted was a little peace, quiet and a hot cross bun.

Now we know you’ve all been on tenterhooks – we can smell it from here – but this is the short-awaited filmette from Martin Scorsese for the new Chanel pong, Bleu de Chanel.

The reason we are putting this up will become very clear. It is because there’s bugger all else happening, we have a class at the gymgaysium in precisely 32 minutes which involves both colour and movement, if we don’t make it we will be fat, fat, fat and no-one will love us, and there once was a man from Nantucket. There really was.

The film, made at a cost of between half a crown and £184million, sees Gaspard Ulliel in a press conference being asked a really hard question by a journalist and getting a tad flustered. 

We believe it takes its inspiration from the recent press conference with Katie Price we were forced to attend (at gunpoint. She pointed a fucking gun at us. Can you believe?) for her to launch some more god-awful schmutter during which she slagged off the press (erm, and you exist because…?), invited questions from the floor (most of whom were plaiting each others’ hair and/or on Grindr), no-one could be arsed, then someone was arsed *makes ‘L’ shape in front of head* and asks, ‘Are you having another baby?’, Katie Price goes, ‘You lot seem to know everything, you tell me!’, a tumbleweed trots past, Katie Price goes, ‘Any more questions?’ in that flat-as-a-moron voice of hers, we go, ‘Yeah. Why are you such a cunt?’

We’re not necessarily saying she heard us, but it’s the thought that counts.

And this film by Martin Scorsese contains one of those apartments where everything’s covered in white chiffon (they still make those?). It is also very Blow-Up.

Well it all looks like bollocks so it must be worth something…  (more…)

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The steroids will get you in the end…

Eh, eh, eh!

Let’s start the day off with a very bad loser. On ‘roids. No doubt.

To set the scene, we are at a Mexican bodybuilding competition (where else?) and one young musclespunk in blue panties does not like not coming first. He tears up his prize certificate and then jumps down to sock it to the judges. In his blue panties. Did we mention those?

The moment to look out for is when he picks up a chair to knock someone out with… then thinks better of it.

Over the jump for all the blue panties (did we mention those?) action… (more…)

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Kermit goes legit. He’s in the Smithsonian Museum of American History, don’t you know?

It's the berries! Terrific!

And that is apparently very important *curtsies respectfully making sure to kick up back of skirt to show off panties*

To celebrate we will now look at a classic scene of Liza Minnelli ‘acting’ and ‘singing’ with Kermit. Who, let’s not forget, is a frog.

Over the jump… (more…)

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