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Sad and wrong and twisted on so many levels!

See these two. Butter wouldn’t melt, right. Even I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter wouldn’t melt.

Now what these choice two have been charged with is… secretly filming their roommate, an 18-year-old lad, having gay sex and streaming it live on the interweb for the amusement of the public in general.

Said 18-year-old – Tyler Clementi – was so upset and betrayed when he found out that he jumped off New York’s George Washington Bridge to his death. Good work, you two!

Now, while we feel the most appropriate behaviour for poor Tyler would have been to have ripped the pair of them a new arsehole each – live on the interweb – then got their arses thrown out of college, you can imagine where your 18-year-old head would have been if it happened to you. And they were his high school friends!

They – Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei – obviously didn’t think it would end like this, but as long as gay men’s lives are considered some sort of comedy show – often with the gay man’s full collaboration (you know who you are everyone from Four Poofs and a Piano on up!) – then that’s what happens.

*goes for lie down with damp flannel on face*

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Tony off-of Jamie Lee Curtis. Dead. Gone. Never coming back.

Tony Curtis dead, me me me tv

Poor old Tony, seen here with Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot (he’s dressed as a lady, in case you hadn’t noticed). Dead, he is. No one knows for why but he was 85 and had been in hospital due to an asthma attack, so…

Anyways, let’s celebrate him for many reasons. 1. He was damned cute in his heyday 2. He played a slave boy who Laurence Olivier came on strong to while in the bath in Spartacus 3. He reckons there was a deep gay subplot to one of his most famed movies, The Defiant Ones, where he was chained to Sydney Poitier 4. He was married to Janet Leigh, who got it in the shower in Psycho (so, Jamie Lee – different spelling – Curtis) and 5. He always referred to the gays as ‘my brothers and sisters’.

Love him, love the big funny hair of his later years, will remember him fond-style. *cracks open a bottle of something spendy to toast the bones of the man*

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Ozwald Boateng: ‘Colour for me… [long pause. We presume while he thinks] Colour for me has a lot of meaning. Because colour can also be spiritual.’

Ozwald Boateng

You know it’s a slow telly night when you’re forced to switch off your TV and do something interesting instead. Then go and switch your TV back on and watch Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters on BBC4.

But before we start, we would just like to say we think BBC4 is magnificent. If Rupert Murdoch ever gets his way the whole of Her Majesty’s BBC Emporium would be stripped of its funding and turned into one long advertorial for Australia’s Next Top Model (you know, the one presented by his daughter-in-law, who is either really stupid and can’t understand basic instructions, or is really clever because the whole ‘wrong winner-gate’ is the most press that show has ever had).

Now don’t get us wrong. Ozwald Boateng. The boy does know how to dress and he’s not afraid of colour, though his London Fasion Week show (in a cinema, people. In a cinema!) was attended by Piers Morgan. All that work just for a bloat that speaks to turn up.

But his tellyboxshow, Ozwald Boateng: Why Style Matters, well. Apart from the Blair Witch camera work (really? They’re still doing that?) and the general swagger of it all, we were relieved to find out that, after all these years, colour is a ‘spiritual thing’.

Oh good. Now we’ve sorted that out, can we talk about why you’re such a knob?


ps. We realise many/most/all of you probably didn’t watch this show. And now you’ve read this, you never have to. Call it our gift to you.

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According to a BBC report, straights don’t like watching gays on telly. Next up: a report into whether white people like watching blacks on telly.

'We're a couple!'

It is a truth. A survey run by Her Majesty’s BBC (not known for their forward-thinkingness when it comes to the gays, it must be said) found that 18% of the telly-watching population feel ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘very uncomfortable’ with seeing the gays up to all sorts (you know, talking, opening a letter, popping a straw into a carton of Ribena), even after the 9pm watershed!

They just don’t want to see it, they don’t. Makes their skin crawl. The idea of all that sodomy. You know, penises going into hairy bottoms. Hate thinking about it they do. Just hate the idea of that penis that they can’t even see on telly eventually being licked by someone with a moustache (who’s not Mariah Carey). Not in front of the kiddies!

In fact less than half the people they asked were either ‘comfortable’ or ‘ambivalent’. That’s nice then.

The survey, which was done to help the BBC portray the gays better (well, how about you don’t ask a lot of bigotted straight people what they want to see then?), found that gay men objected to being always portrayed as big old dollies (thanks Graham Norton!) while lesbians didn’t like that they had to be either ‘butch’ or ‘lipstick’ – though we do think Corrie has got it spot-on with Sian and Sopie (up there, hello!).

In an unrelated survey 95% of gays said they felt ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘very uncomfortable’ that the BBC was prepared to pay huge sums for the ugly homophobic cunt who presents Top Gear (whose name escapes us). And 99% said that having Four Poofs and a Piano on Daybreak was ‘insulting’ or ‘very fucking insulting’, not that they’d ever watched the show.

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Can you think of anything more patronising than a magazine for bigger girls called Just As Beautiful? Why not call it ‘Very Pretty Face’ and be done with it?

You're not fat!

Quite apart from being the most amateurish magazine cover we’ve seen since *thinks* ever, we do think that title is giving out a funny message to the target readership.

Instead of being defiant – Big and Beautiful! – or just using plus-size models and not banging on about it, they have decided to go the ‘don’t worry, just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you are entirely unattractive’ route. Which is nice and inspiring.

But that’s not to say we won’t be subscribing, especially if they cover-mount a ring donut.

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Mr England 2010 went ‘from homo, to hunk’.

Mr England 2010

Oh wait one bottom bumming minute, he went from hobo to hunk. Hobo. Not homo, hobo.

Who’d be a hobo when you can be a homo?

So this, ladies and germs and undecided and dollies, is Mr England 2010. He be called Vaughan Bailey and he be someone we don’t find particularly attractive. But then we have to be nice to him because he won an award for being a former hobo. He even slept on benches and relied on handouts from friends.

‘Now modelling agencies are paying for me to stay in five-star hotels and to drink in the swanky bars.

‘Its beyond my wildest…’

That’s where we lost interest.

Apparently, Disney World is just magical.

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How many things are there about this photo that we totally agree with?

She's one senorita muy caliente!

1. We agree with Charo, elderly singer of Cuchi-Cuchi and an almost unintelligible version of The Rolling Stones’ ‘Let’s Spend the Night Together’.

2. We agree with elderly women wearing full flamenco.

3. We agree with elderly women in full flamenco getting their rather bouncy looking puppies to smile over the top of said full flamenco.

4. We agree with elderly women in full flamenco with their rather bouncy looking puppies smiling over the top of said full flamenco to turn up to PETA’s Humanitarian Awards.

5. We are very agreeable today, don’t you think?

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