Like a scene from 13 Going On 30 (or from New Woman about three years before it bit the dust), Essentials magazine (no, us neither) has decided to ban celebrities and models from their front cover.
Instead they will be using just very nice looking ‘real’ women (some of whom will no doubt go on to become models and then be banned from being on the front of Essentials magazine in favour of ‘real’ women, some of whom will no doubt go on to become models and…)
Just a few things to bring up in the editorial meeting in between have we got enough pages to feature ‘750 must-have new mules’ and ‘How to please your man in bed (just lie still and let him get on with it)’:
a). are models not real women then? Are they put together with bits of old chewing gum and skin in a workshop somewhere?
b). isn’t it a model’s job to pose for photographs in magazines?
c). why would anyone want to see just any old one on the cover of a magazine? Can you just step on a bus to do that?
d). will any ‘real’ women do? Can we have fat and/or ugly ones? No, clearly not.
e). We blame Dove.