Who lives *pause* in a house like this? Clue: She is the size of a cuckoo clock and sings like a dishwasher

We'll only take it if there's a mirror on the ceiling. Aren’t the circles on the carpet to die for? Really, to die for. And if you look closely, you can see fluffy pom-poms attached to the pillows. And some of the walls are squashy. And there appear to be portholes in the doors. And a bed spread that is pink and shiny. And the floor is part laminate, part carpet. Has the world gone crazy? We’re redecorating as we speak.

It is a maisonette (sold!) situated on the top two floors of a mansion block in London’s full-of-posh-twats-with-jumpers-draped-over-their-shoulders Chelsea – or maybe it’s Kensington, which is like Chelsea only with more French people – and it is on the market (the what?) for £3.95million. It was on for £4.5million, but they took off £550,000 owing to compensation payments awarded to potential buyers who suffered post-traumatic stress after witnessing the bathroom.

Elsewhere in the house there are rooms, a staircase, a fully-functioning kitchen (we’ll just have to take their word for that), windows, light, air, cutlery you can only see using a magnifying glass, a vanilla candle from Muji, terracotta pots and white chiffon.

D’ya wanna see a staircase? It goes up and down…!

Oh ps. Kylie. Sometimes we’re just too esoteric for our own good.

Fancy. Where's our friggin' omelette? Windows. They're all the rage.
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More dolly #content:

4 comments to “Who lives *pause* in a house like this? Clue: She is the size of a cuckoo clock and sings like a dishwasher”

  1. It’ll need a good steam clean that’s all I can say.

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  2. Money doesn’t buy taste. Just the ability to buy things.

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  3. Nasty bedspread. And that dining room looks like it’s never been used.

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  4. I had to refresh the page 2 times to view this page for some reason, nike dunk sb however, the information here was worth the wait.

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