First of all, EastEnders winning Best Soap at the TV Quick (what’s the intonation on that? ‘TV! Quick!’?) Awards? Noodle the cat just went toiley in his litter tray and the splash-back was more compelling. Who is writing that shit? And when we say shit, we mean shit. The shit kind.
Compare and contrast with Coronation Street which is *checks left wrist, checks right wrist* all kinds of genius.
Second of all, we happened across the Mercury Music Prize this evening, which is something we never want to happen across ever again. Dreary sixth-form white boy music that sounds like hairdryers? Not on your retarded hair cut! Apart from Corinne Bailey Rae (who we actually real-life like) and that rapper bloke fella who shouts and points (narrows it down), we’ve never heard of any of them. And neither have the record companies they’re signed to.
(Okay, so there was Paul Weller. But really, the hair? How old are you!)
The XX won. Now unless there’s another X and the word ‘bumming’ involved, we ain’t listenin’.
But what this is all about, Alfie, is the ridiculousness of everything – and we mean everything – having to be frigging sponsored to within an inch of its brand-spanking new name, or else. We give you no longer the Mercury Music Prize, but the BarclayCard Mercury Music Prize. What, ’cause the greedy bastards stumped up £20,000 for the winner’s check? Just one Barclays employee makes that per day on the interest on his farts alone.
And of course, we already now have…:
– The Orange Baftas
– The MasterCard BRITs
– Barclays Cycle Hire (okay, it’s better than ‘Boris’s Bikes’, but only marginally)
– Shockwaves NME Awards (now we’re not experts [we are really] but somehow we don’t think they’ve got the demographic quite right on this one)
– The Q Awards with Russian Standard Vodka (really!)
– Harveys the Furniture Store’s Coronation Street
What next, the Hollywood sign sponsored by Bio-Oil (great on face lift scars!)? The Invisalign Oscars? The Conservative Government sponsored by Rupert Murdoch? Oh no, that one’s just silly. They’re his bitch already.
But really, what’s the world coming to? We used to be able to leave our back doors open and everything…
Sponsors with egos. Now that's the curse of today's society. ,