‘To put it very simply,’ says Archbishop of Canterbury, the most senior Church of England character in the land (yes, put it simply Bish, we’ve been out all weekend), ‘there’s no problem about a gay person who’s a bishop.’
Hooray! *goes out shopping for heavily embroidered fabrics and flattering height-enhancing bonnetry*
But hang on one bottom-picking moment, there’s a drawback, one that draws seriously back. ‘It’s about the fact that there are traditionally, historically, standards that the clergy are expected to observe.’ What, gay bishops are contractually obliged to molest children? Sorry, that’s Catholics. What were we thinking?
‘So there’s always a question about the personal life of the clergy.’ What he’s dancing around here is that, it’s OK to be a gay bishop as long as you don’t have gay sex. Straight bishops can have straight sex but gay bishops may not under any circumstances, not even when poppers are involved, have sex of a gay nature.
And we thought that placard on the anti-Pope march made it clear: ‘Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers’.