Lidl, a supermarket which has emerged as a place where you can now shop without putting a plastic bag over your head (with holes in it! We’re not silly to ourselves!) because the stuff may be cheap, but it ain’t shit. Plus, any excuse not to shop at Tesco’s. Sainsberries is a whole other kettle of Kettle Chips and if only they’d open a Waitrose that wasn’t on the Holloway Road. We don’t want to be dodging bullets whilst bobbing for avocados.
So that sentence didn’t quite finish, did it? We got carried away with a riveting stream of consciousness. We’re like that James Joyce, only much more fun and with back bottoms you can bounce bollocks off. And if we were to finish that sentence, it would go something along the lines of:
Lidl, a supermarket blah blah and blah has today launched a fake tan for one whole pound. None of your 99p business, a pound. It is called Glow ‘n’ Go Instant Tan, it comes in matte or shimmer (shimmer! Shimmer! Shimmer!) and it is available until stocks last. Which, once this article does the rounds, will be about as long as a piece of shoelace.
Rumour has it, it’s pretty good.
We tried to find a picture of Glow ‘n’ Go Instant Tan, tried for about eleven seconds, then decided it’s probably in a brown plastic bottle so instead decided to illustrate by way of a picture of four famouses. Can you guess which one’s using fake tan?
We do, however, think it’s nice that Valentino took the time out to match his skin to Tom Ford’s sunglasses, which he is wearing indoors. Radical.