You’ve just got to hand it to Paris, they do have their fingers well and truly on the fashion pulse. Just seven short years after everybody else stopped wearing it, they are to get their very own Abercrombie & Fitch store. And they’ve not felt so lucky since the Can-Can was invented.
As a city which has been subjected to the rule of A&F already, here’s what you can expect from the whole experience. They will choose a building with a lot of historical significance – maybe Sarkozi can move out of the Elysee Palace – preferably in an area famous for upscale clothing. In glittering London it’s a beautiful mansion near Savile Row, home to the finest tailors in the world, so more than appropriate for the vendors of cottons in bright turquoise.
They will then make it so dark inside that shop that you can’t actually tell what colour the item you’re buying is and will play the curiously European disco so loud that you won’t be able to discuss the item with your shopping companions – just as well, as they will be lying.
They will then pump that… let’s just call it ‘fragrance’ into the streets, making the whole area smell like someone’s trying to disguise a giant crap they just had. Which in a way, they are.
They will post two unsuspecting model types at the door and make them take most of their clothing off, something they are – curiously – quite happy to do as the clothing is by A&F. They are able to convince the shop assistants to do this by saying that the only way you’ll ever get in the catalogue is to have worked in the store. Obviously, the nearest most of them will get to the catalogue is in the A&F mailing room where they will be bagging them.
They will then attract queues of Ugg boot-wearing trouts (have Ugg boots hit Paris yet?) to further convert what was once a quiet sober area into the part of Romford’s Liberty Shopping Centre that backs onto the market. Said Ugg boot-wearing trouts will then demand pictures of themselves surrounded by said shop attendants, not realising that the proximity of fine male specimens makes them look – if possible – even worse than they do already.
And there you have it. Job done, schmutter sold, people happy. What a welcome addition to any city!