It’s been a while – and in that while we’ve loved, lost, bummed and made Bakewell Tarts so not all is lost – but the Daily Cunt has finally bowed to the Type 2 diabetes raspy pleas of heavy-set ladies across the land and brought another installment of their favourite excuse not to get off their fat, lazy asses and do something about it, ‘Could a real woman dot dot dot?’.
This time, it’s diets. Whenever is it knowingly not? That would be a rhetorical question were the answer not nice hair. Or having sex with attractive men. Or wearing skyscraper (their word, not ours) heels. Or having fun.
Because it seems Jennifer Aniston – clearly a robot from the future – achieves her body through a diet that ‘real women’ couldn’t possibly live on. Because they’re not robots from the future, see! According to someone trying to sell a book, Jennifer in fact survives on the Zone Diet, which is a 40:30:30 ratio of carbs, fat and protein. What about the other 20%?
But what is most shocking about these findings is not that the journo – a ‘real woman’ *prods her* who had to undertake said diet – had to survive on a 151-calorie lunch (er, that’s what Tic Tacs are for!), but that she clearly needs her colours doing.
And what is most perfect about these findings is Jennifer’s term for the pre-fame days. BJ – ‘Before Jewels’.