When will the lambs stop screaming?

Geri Halliwell

There are three things wrong with this picture. No, four.

Firstly, Geri Halliwell is re-launching her solo career. Not the picture’s fault, sure, but heavens to Betsy, f-why?

Or, as we put it when interviewing her, ‘What was it like being known as the Spice Girl who couldn’t sing?’

(She almost cried.)

Secondly, this picture shows Geri Halliwell off-of mad as a box of hair, posing for her 2011 calendar in Miami last week. Cutting it a bit fine, aren’t we Geri?

3) Geri Halliwell’s ‘comeback’ single is thought to be a cover version of a classic track.

*breathes on chilly window as snow falls behind; draws sad face; then a Christmas tree to make it timely*

In more horrific news, Geri Halliwell is also apparently ‘working with a new girl group’, thought to be Belle Amie (we’ll be the judge of that) off-of bunch of girls dressed like hookers off-of The X Factory.

And our final tit-bit is one of those titty bits that are just totally made up to fill space/the whole of Grazia magazine:

Geri Halliwell off-of George and Kenny apparently called David and Victoria Beckham to ask them what their favourite songs of all time are. Presumably so she can rip them new arseholes.

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5 comments to “When will the lambs stop screaming?”

  1. Just the thought of this ‘If the normals and the kids don’t like it the gays sure will’ pop career being given a new breath of new life really grips my shit. It absolutely escapes me how anyone would want to endorse this talentless attention seeker once again after the bilge she has produced.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to find my Mi Chico Latino cd single. (Yay!)

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  2. Ms. Beckham was the one who couldn’t sing and the only solo spice without a number 1 single.
    Gimme some
    Gimme some, give me some sweet F.A.
    Have a nice day
    As Americans say
    And scream if you wanna go faster baby
    Scream if you wanna go faster

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  3. The possibility that her comeback single *who’ll be the judge of that?* might be a cover tune reminded me of something I had successfully forgotten until this moment: Celine Dion off-of retired and promised not to comeback has issued a version of Heart’s “Alone”. I ask myself (then and now), what does Ms. Dion think she can add to that song onto which Ms. Ann Wilson has already inscribed her signature forevermore? *remembers fondly the post-Titanic, pre-Las Vegas comeback days* My point (and I do have one): cover tunes are very tricky things indeed.

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  4. Other things you may not know.

    1) Her real name is Geraldine Harris. She is the daughter of Keith Harris, who was a famous 80’s ventriloquist. Best known for his prime time ITV show “Keith Harris & Orville”
    2) Geri has no teeth. They were knocked out in a freak karaoke accident in 1990
    3) She once swam from one end of her school swimming pool to the other, but nobody was there to verify this
    4) Geri has had both the longest and shortest cleavage in her family both in the same year
    5) She is a trained cunt

    Ok, you knew the last one.

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  5. Delusion is a wonderful thing. And the reason for many a famous.

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