You’re gay, right? So you enjoy fashion, right?

Victoria Beckham and Samantha Cameron

And, according to our coffee table book ‘How To Recognize A Gay Without Winning Friends and Influencing People’ – which has such a shine to it, we can barely keep our clothes on! – you will also earn £173 more than everyone else, you don’t need a BMW to make your cock look bigger because you’re not that shallow, you spend most of your leisure time in Liberty and/or Chariots Roman Spa and/or round Elton’s, you like pads to write things down in, scented candles are not just for Christmas they are for life, you never underestimate the value of a lip balm and/or vodka, you can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes, you enjoy a bon mot (don’t you just!) and an amuse-bouche (don’t you just!), you may not be a lady but you’re all woman, and even your hair has rhythm.

And seeing as your head is full of handbags and amyl nitrate, you would probably like to know the results of last night’s British Fashion Awards, which were attended by names, names, names and at which Samantha Cameron – who is looking more and more like her husband every day (poor bastard) – had to pose next to Victoria Beckham in order to safeguard the future of the British Fashion Industry (it is capitalized) . We’re getting whoozy from the boozy seeping from their enlarged pores…

BFC Outstanding Achievement in Fashion – Alexander McQueen

Accessory Designer – Nicholas Kirkwood

Model Of The Year – Lara Stone

Menswear Designer – E. Tautz

Emerging Talent Award, Ready-to-wear – Meadham Kirchhoff

Emerging Talent Award, Accessories – Husam El Odeh

Special Recognition – Naomi Campbell

Digital Innovation – Burberry

British Style – Alexa Chung

Isabella Blow Award for Fashion Creator – Nicola Formichetti

Designer Brand – Mulberry

Designer Of The Year – Phoebe Philo for Céline

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More dolly #content:

2 comments to “You’re gay, right? So you enjoy fashion, right?”

  1. Glad to see the mighty Alexa Chung recognised for wearing some free clothing.

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  2. Oh I’m too rich and famous to beg for free clothes m’self. Will you do it — will you be my ‘stylist’???

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