You’ve got to love Auntie Elton. No, you really do. It’s in your contract. And he showed himself worthy of our adulation (thought we wouldn’t have the records in the house) on last night’s Piers Morgan’s Life Stories thingamyjig.
For a start he was as shockingly dressed as we have come to know and love. No amount of money or shopping can apparently stop the 60-odd-year-old from sporting silver trousers with a healthy bus driver’s gap between bottom of said trouser and black nylon sock.
Secondly, he refused to cry even when Piers brought out the big guns like Princess Diana.
Thirdly, when Piers asked Elton if he was attracted to women and Elt, quite reasonably, said that of course, there were some beautiful women in the world and didn’t Piers think there were some beautiful men, at which point Piers went all blustery and, ‘Oh, no, not in the same way’, Elton roundly told him, ‘That’s the problem with you fucking heterosexuals!’
Fourthly, the bad language in general.
Fifthly, his unapologetic attitude to spend, spend, spending: he said he lived in this country and paid his taxes so what’s the problem? He probably said, ‘What’s the fucking problem?’ but we had been desensitised by then.
Sixthly, the revelation that after 17 years together, he and David Furniture still send cards to each other every Saturday to say they love each other.
Seventhly, when he was talking about the reaction of the public to him being one of the first gays to get married, he said that it’s what made him proud of his country. We accept that compliment personally and wholeheartedly.
But we still wouldn’t have the records in the house. Except for maybe Goodbye Yellow Brick Road…