No, stop! Put your peanis (pron: pee-ah-niss) away. It’s a girl. In fact it’s a woman. In fact it’s Glenn Close. Who, despite having a boy’s name, is very much a woman. With small panties and painted toenails and no underarm hair and everything.
She is in a film called Albert Nobbs (*titters* We said ‘Nobbs’) and it’s about a woman who dresses up as a man. Which makes her perfect for the role! It’s set in 1890s Ireland (move on if we’re losing you) and it’s… oh, it’s something. Don’t make us IMDB it. You do it! No, you do it! No, YOU do it!