Take That and hundreds of men in Speedos. Bet that’s the first time that’s ever happened.


Bulgemania during the Take That portion of The Royal Variety Show, which was, as usual, a mixture of the very good and the very not good.

Emerging from being mugged by student rioters Charles and Camilla were, just moments after the hordes had been shouting ‘Off with their heads!’, cool, calm and fabulous. That’s class! Anyone else would want a couple of months off and some counselling.

OK, so the show. The Good: Adele, note perfect and amazing; a duet between Rumer and Jamie Cullum on Elton’s Tiny Dancer; some acrobats; Take That and the nudies. The Bad: Ray Davies and Paloma Faith on some old Kinks record; that Geordie housewife comedian everyone has decided is good; someone on ice skates swinging around on a bit of net curtain. The Fucking Awful: Kylie doing that babywoman thing she does, which is actually looking a little retarded now she’s in her late 60s; Michael Freaking McIntyre and his whiney breaky voice saying things as if just saying things is a comedy routine. We say things every day, we do not put out a DVD of it.

For those of you in the UK, click here to see it all on Her Majesty’s BBC iPlayer. The nudies are at around the one hour, fifty-nine minute mark. Yes, it’s a long show.

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