Can we just get one thing straight. (Straight? Can you just imagine! We wouldn’t know where to look!) We have a lot of time for Her Majesty’s BBC. It shits all over every other television channel with letters in its title and you only have to go foreign to realise how good we have it in this green and pleasant land which Amanda Lear describes in the latest-ish issue of V magazine as ‘the most civilized country on earth’. And if there’s something Amanda Lear knows, it’s civilized. And dazzling put-downs.
Exhibit A: [On who might play Amanda in the film of her book, My Life With Dali.]
‘I was a model, so it could be a model. We were thinking about Claudia Schiffer, who was very much in fashion at the time. So we gave her the book and we finally met and she said to me, “Oh, I love your book. Who wrote it for you?” Who wrote it for me?! I said, “I’m glad you like it, who read it to you?”
Where were we? The BBC… J’adore you, je can’t get enough of you, but far too much airtime given to the haters of late. We’re all for balance, but like we said to some muppet at EastEnders when they broadcast Janine calling Christian a ‘poofter’ – would she have been allowed to call Zainab a ‘Paki’? We rest our very expensive case that has this, like, really soft lining, m’lud.
And if we’ve still got anyone at this stage, EastEnders is running a gay surrogacy storyline with Syed and Christian, seen above with the latter’s vile parents. Christian’s wearing his dungarees. Undone. With nothing underneath. ‘Cause that’s how the gays like to roll.
And there you have it.
*sucks the lolly out of a Sherbet Dip Dab*