Now, that was silly, wasn’t it?

So, you know Vanilla Ice? The one-time rapper now reduced to Skates on Ice? Sort of hot but sort of ridiculous? With the ridiculous outweighing the hot? Well, apparently he dumped girlfriend Madonna because of the SEX book. Which is actually precisely when we started going out with her!

‘She was older than me and a great lover. She’s still the oldest person I’ve ever been with, so it was an experience,’ he told Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World (aka News of the Screws). ‘But I broke up with her after she printed that book because I was hurt to be an unwitting part of this slutty package.’

Honey, you should thank your lucky stars – daily! – to have been an unwitting part of that slutty package!

‘It was disgusting and cheap.’ What? In a bad way?

‘We were in a relationship, yet it looked like she was screwing all these other people.’ Yeah, it’s called acting love: everything you see in photographs is not reality based, documentary-style material. People are putting it on.

‘I thought she was taking pictures and running round naked because she was like that.’ She was *reminisces about the time Madonna really was like that*

‘Then when the book came out I was so embarrassed and ashamed.’ OK, so this is the singer of Ice Ice Baby saying he was embarrassed and ashamed?

‘She said she didn’t have sex with these men, but it looked like she was.’

We refer you to our previous comment about acting and rest our case and our tired fanny.

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4 comments to “Now, that was silly, wasn’t it?”

  1. I think you’ll find her book was called ‘Slut’, not ‘Sex’. But she was a bold hussy woman who feasted on men who were tops, at the time.

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  2. She dated all of them in bed, but only because that was her job that she was paid to do.

    This is a joke that I have made.

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  3. With laser-like intelligence like that I’m amazed he didn’t manage to turn his profession of ripping off Queen songs into a long term career. I bet at the time he was all ‘sure I’m no longer going out the most famous/hottest/sexiest/drive/richest woman in music, but at least I’ve got my dignity’

    And now he’s in Dancing on Ice.

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  4. DRIVEN, not drive. I swear I do not work for Blick

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