Lock up your sons, daughters and transgender offspring! It’s Elton and his partner!


Don’t worry if your children are looking right up Britney’s skirt and into the very void of her soul but make sure they don’t get exposed to an image of a gay couple and their adopted child. Could screw them up. Could make them gay or communist or Muslim or all three. Or all four!

But that’s Harp’s for you. They take the security of their young shoppers so seriously they even went so far as to wrap the offending and offensive and just plain off magazine featuring the happy (if badly dressed) couple and adopted son Zachary in cellophane in case one of those impressionable young people should flick through and see some of Elton’s hideous homewares. Or catch sight of a smear of bumming on some sheets somewhere.

Anyways, we’re sleeping easier in our (crispy with spunk) sheets at the knowledge that somewhere in Arkansas children’s welfare is being taken this seriously as they are fed transfats until they can’t eat no more transfats no more.

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5 comments to “Lock up your sons, daughters and transgender offspring! It’s Elton and his partner!”

  1. I certainly don’t want any children of mine looking at Elton John when i get round to adopting some

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  2. People in middle America are so fucking mental. The ones on either coast are okay though.

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  3. I quite like the font Harps use. It’s a bit like Busaba in glittering London. Cheeky, kicky, fun!

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  4. Is it me, or does Family Shield sound like some kind of fragrant panty liner?

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  5. […] Lock up your sons, daughters and transgender offspring! It's Elton … […]

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