Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

That’s a shame.

James Franco leotard

All of it.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

How much would you pay for this?


We love it when the sun does that!

Some clever clogs who is almost certainly wearing sensible flats has come up with a valuation for the earth. It may surprise you how much you’d have to fork out for this ball just fit-to-bursting with people and white chiffon and terracotta pots. It’s not as much as a flat at One Hyde Park, but it is quite a lot.

It is worth £3,000 trillion. Bargain, right? That’s, like, two guineas in old money.

Astrophysicist Greg Laughlin came up with this figure by calculating the sum of the Dolly Earth’s size, age, temperature, and other vital statistics like whether it’s a top or a bottom and can touch type.

Venus is worth a penny. And not a pretty one either.

You can make this shit up!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Honey, what’s this? *points finger up and down outfit in style of Karen from Will & Grace*

This is what Joan Collins chooses to go to a pre-Oscars party in (though what anyone’s thinking even inviting her, we cannot imagine: The Stud and The Bitch is hardly The Lucky Bitches, is it?)

And we imagine that hair is actually stitched to the inside of the hat.

Apparently, Joanie likes to dress down these days because she’s afraid of being mugged.


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast)

John Galliano has been arrested. And it wasn’t for looking like this apparently!

John Galliano, the fashion designer who hardly recognises himself when he looks in the mirror, has been arrested. By police. In smart blue uniforms with shiny shoes.

The incident took place in Paris’s quaint Marais district, where gays and Jews mix and mingle, eating falafels in warm pitta bread and knocking back wine in those dinky little Duralex glasses they do in France.

Anyways, according to eye-witnesses, Mister Galliano, high on a cocktail of cocktails, started in on some people, hurling abuse at them and using anti-Semitic language. Police were called, police responded promptly to the call, police took one look at John Galliano and thought ‘Zut alors! We’ve got a right one ici!’ and took him into custody.

He has been released pending investigations. Well, he’s been getting away with quite a lot for years. We’re talking mainly accessories.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

And today’s picture of David Gandy in pants shooting a gun comes courtesy of…

Terry Richardson (love you, love your cock, hate your tattoos) for Sergio K. No, us neither.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Chubby faced Amanda ‘some of my best friends are gay’ Platell is at it again…

Another day, another nasty homophobic outburst for Amanda Platell, who not only has gay best friends (why they don’t punch her square in the face on a weekly basis is anyone’s guess) but also knows someone who died of AIDS. Has anyone got a tissue for Ms. Platell?

So why is it when you see her name your brain immediately does the mathematics and works out how this can possibly lead to homophobia? Why is that? Could it be that she is a homophobic cunt? Could be!

The latest feature in – where else – The Daily Cunt – ‘Fashion’s ultimate insult to women: The latest way of demeaning real women is a male model dressed as a girl.’ Has your brain done its thing yet?

Let us help you: ‘Real women started to love their curves long before Christina Hendricks wowed the world in Mad Men with hers. And by all accounts men love them, too… So who drove this obsession to strip women of their femininity?’ Guess what’s coming! No, guess. Go on! GUESS!

OK, another clue. According to the ‘fashion mafia’ models have to ‘look less like a woman and more like a boy…’ Come on, you must know what’s coming.

Here we go then. We’ll give it to you on a plate. ‘Size zero turned out to be an apt term as the most feted designers, MOSTLY BRILLIANT GAY MEN, effectively tried to squeeze women out of the fashion equation. And now they have.’ Those bad gays!

Basically, the idea of having a boy model women’s clothing is not an attention-seeking gimmick, it’s the ultimate insult, the proof of gay men’s misogyny. ‘A beautiful teenager with the face of a girl and the body of a boy — the perfect expression of beauty for these top fashion designers.’ These top gay fashion designers, who hate women.

And in case you haven’t got the point yet: ‘It’s the ultimate in woman hating, to create a half-man, half-woman creature because the girls are simply not up to the job. They’re too, let’s face it boys [for ‘boys’ read ‘gays’], womanly, even when they’ve been starved to within an inch of their lives. What an act of abject misogyny.’

Just because your gay ‘friends’ won’t fuck you, Amanda, there’s no need to take it so personally. We’re sure most straight men wouldn’t fuck you either.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

CZJ gets an OBE from PC at BP!

Catherine Zeta-Jones gets her OBE from Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace

This is the moment Catherine Spartacus Zeta Douglas Jones received her OBE from Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace earlier today, for services to the film industry and fabulous charity bashes and drippy blingy awards ceremonies.

‘As a British subject, I feel incredibly proud, at the same time it is overwhelming and humbling.

‘And my mum and dad are delighted beyond belief.’

It is thought The CZJ left her glamorous Hollywood lifestyle behind and slummed it for the day down at Buck H’, flying in the air and everything to get here, whilst somewhere in the distance a befuddled Michael Douglas was seen asking where Princess Margaret’s after-show party was being held.

‘They were all the rage on Mustique!’ said he. ‘All the rage!’

Catherine Zeta-Jones, who looked radiant, was later seen being escorted out of the royal residence after being found routing through the jock-off flower arrangements.

‘No friggin’ goody bag?’ she was shouting. ‘No? Frig? Ing? Good? EEEEE? Bag? No wonder Madonna left!’

There now follows a video transmission of Catherine Zeta-Jones’s acceptance speech:


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Bigger better booze.

Circus Fake

…. at Circus this Saturday!

How’s that for sell-through? Britney Spears got half a million quid for product placement in her latest piece of shit; we’re still waiting for something to finish off this sentence.

Nobutreally, Circus is shit hot because it’s shit hot, and this Saturday’s Circus has the sub-header ‘Fake’, for ’tis a celebration of all things fake. And we think they mean in the Big Fat Gypsy Weddings sort of way, which is very topical.

And we didn’t realise until reading the press release that Paramount – where Circus takes place, on the very crest of Centrepoint – is the world’s highest nightclub. And please no-one get pedantic on our asses and come back with, ‘Oh, but what about that little place on top of Mont Blanc!’ because that just won’t do.

And there endeths our suggestion for what to do on Saturday night. No straddlers, mind. It’s gets bumper-to-bumper quick smartish. But like Kate Moss said, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.


ps. Tickets here, or from Unconditional+, 16 Monmouth Street, London’s glittering Covent Garden. Or £16 on the door.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)