They’ve invented this machine that turns you from a twink to a Muscle Mary. All of Manhattan is abuzz.


Chris Evans topless in Captain America

Going to the gym and actually working is for fools. Why, only yesterday we were at the gym not working and pointed to at least three people and said, ‘Fools!’

For it turns out, after centuries and years of research, they have invented a machine that you walk into – with a lofty jazz hand just before entry – lie back and think of England or the Argos catalogue or whatsoever, and piff-paff-poof, out you come with tits so big you can not longer rest your arms to the side of your body like a normal person.

Finally, after years and years and years of being a lazy bastard and looking at men who look like everybody else, you too can now walk down London’s glittering Old Compton Street and, upon finding you have an itch at the back of your head, you can satisfy that itch by reaching up and under your t-shirt, lifting it as you go – like so – all the way to the back of your head revealing, what’s this? A six-pack? No, you fool. An eight-pack!

Finally, people love you for who you are and you can now get bummed by someone you actually fancy.

Isn’t modern life wonderful!

You can see this machine in action in this trailer for Captain America, starring Chris Evans’s hair.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX-dpQAginE&feature=player_embedded

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4 comments to “They’ve invented this machine that turns you from a twink to a Muscle Mary. All of Manhattan is abuzz.”

  1. I’ve come over all queer. And that’s not like me.

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  2. they asked me to be his body-double. What an insult.

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  3. My friend actually WAS his body double! But only for the pre-machine bit. Which is why he is my friend and not my boyfriend.

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  4. I AM SO EXCITE… ugh I’m bored of this film already.

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