Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Britney Spears’ boyfriend. Bum him, much?


Britney Spears' boyfriend silver fox

Hello.

This is Britney Spears’ boyfriend (poor bastard) and apparently he used to be a more rounded fellow. Proficient in the arts, fluent in his own language, that sort of thing. Now he has a six-pack. Isn’t that a wonderful thing, ladies and gents and undecideds?

He also apparently has a name.

*ends*

Ps. What’s with the American mens and their fear of the shorty short?

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Who lives dot dot dot in a house like this dot dot dot? (The Osbournes. This isn’t Murder, She Frigging Wrote)


osbournes malibu home

This is the Osbournes’ – or is it The Osbournes’? – house in London’s glittering Malibu. Which is down the road from Beverley Hills a bit, take a right.

It is what they call in the business not very nice. It it wasn’t for the beach, we would say it was built by a Mr Barratt or a Mr Wimpey in 1983. 1984 if we’re being generous. It has bricks, it has windows, it has more bricks, it has more windows, it looks like it has UPVC and it looks like a shithole.

Take a look inside, and you’ll see that the/The Osbournes’ taste seems to have given leave of its senses and landed somewhere in the middle of a Big Fat Gypsy mobile home. With all the ruffled chiffon Mac can make (see overleaf).

Which is kinda crazy-strange, seeing as yours truly, madly, deeply have been to the/The Osbournes’ house in Just Outside of London’s glittering London and it is rather lovely. It’s the one where Ozzy had his little mishap on a lawnmower. It is so lovely, in fact, we felt moved to tell Sharon whilst we hob-nobbed over a hob-nob and talked about, well, knobs.

So there you have it, ladies and germs. And you can have it (the place in Malibu) for ten million of Her Majesty’s colonial dollars. (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

It’s William and Kate made entirely out of jelly beans!


Now that takes dedication/a rare strain of Asperger’s Syndrome!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

No, it’s not a stubborn-to-shift skidmark on a towel it is an image of Baby Jesus Christ Our Lord and a message from *checks notes* God


Having trouble shifting tricky stains? Don’t worry. It’s actually a message from God. What looks to the world like this dance teacher from Coventry needs to try some Vanish in her wash, is in fact a message from the almighty. Sorry, Almighty.

Because, as an omnipotent god who can do anything he likes – write his name in fire across the sky, carve his image on Mount Everest, form the very seas into a treatise on life, love and the passion – tea towels are the means he chooses to express himself to his people through images of the son that he sent to die for our sins (yeah, better luck next time with that one). He also chooses to express on toast. Because he moves in mysterious ways aka is as crazy as a bedbug. Which is why people like dance instructor here love him so hard and everyone’s happy.

*wipes tear from eye, notes tear is in fact a plastic surgery scar weeping or maybe it’s like that Virgin Mary who once cried tears of Ribena*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Poly Styrene and Phoebe Snow die on the same day! What is this? A cull of cult female singers of the past whose names begin with the letters P and S?


The Pointer Sisters want to watch their arses, that’s all we’re saying…

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

And our hold music this morning is paralympian sprinter Oscar Pistorius and his friend


It’s from Flaunt magazine (we don’t mind if we do!) and you can see him with his clever bouncy legs over the jump (still in the sexy bollock-hugging shiny tights)… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Ooh, they’re actually building a forest INSIDE Westminster Abbey for the wedding!


Now, this might actually be quite good!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Have you ever been moved in quite this way…?


We had shivers up our spines, goosebumps all over our body and the words ‘Help me’ came up in welts on our stomachs… Just try to look away when Michael McIntyre and Ant and/or Dec come on the screen. Enjoy the full experience over the jump… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)